Lose Weight After Pregnancy

It is true that an increasing number of gay teens are coming out than there were not too many years ago.  Most gay guys are likely to wait until they are older, perhaps until after they have moved from home, started college or even a career, before they find the courage to share that important aspect of themselves with their family or (in some cases) even their friends.  In fact, a large portion of gay men never come out to one of both of their parents, something that is frequently an issue of great regret after a parent’s passing.  Parents never sign a contract promising to be enthusiastic about their child’s sexual orientation, no matter what that identity is.  Being truthful, most of us would like to pretend that our children will always be completely non-sexual beings–at least for as long as possible.  However, regardless of what sexual issue we have to confront, we parents must support our children in a number of other ways, even if we have prejudices concerning their orientation.

It may be useful to share the perspective from which I am writing.  I have been a professor in highly selective universities for more than three decades.  Most of my students, with a few notable exceptions, quickly learn that I am available to them for their academic problems, but they often expand those discussions to other things that impact their lives.  I have lots of conversations with students who seem to be able to steer the discourse into areas that cause them some concern outside of the classroom. 

Naturally some of these students are bisexual or gay or, sometimes, a bit unsure.  Often the gay males will talk about their high school experiences.  (I should clarify, perhaps, that I am not talking about sexual experiences, just life experiences.)  In some cases these gay young men had high school years tht were straight out of the happy teen Hollywood movies, but, for many others, high school was more of an ordeal to endure rather than a time for learning and fun.  My students, regardless of their sexual orientation, handled their high school years rather well.  Kids who don’t function successfully in high school never find their ways onto my campus.  I wonder about those who did not have the coping skills to successfully endure the challenging times, which for some gay students occur many times each day.

If you have a gay high school son, even if he has not told you he is gay, he may be experiencing a difficult time when he heads off each morning to what is supposed to be an environment of learning.  Almost half of all high school gay males are harassed at school.  In most cases, those victims are too embarassed to talk to anyone about it; they often feel as if they should be able to handle their own problems. 

Unfortunately, for many bisexual or gay students, home is often anything but a safe haven.  For example, approximately one third of gay students are physically abused because of their sexual orientation by one or more members of their own families (parents or siblings or both).  Some of the abused kids leave home voluntarily in order to protect themselves; others are forced to leave.  Some of these become homeless, but others move in with friends whose parents are more supportive.  I trust that you will recognize your parental obligation to provide a safe, loving environment that will serve as a launching pad for his eventual success in life.

Even if you are unhappy about his sexual identity, there is an inherent duty in parenthood to establish an environment that is conducive to a continuous dialogue.  You may need to look for indirect, subtle cues to determine whether he is experiencing those sorts of problems at school.  That’s not easily accomplished; adolescents are naturally private and moody beings.  The alternative, though is almost certain academic failure, and the results can become even worse than that.  Gay teens are three to four times more often the victims of suicide.  I don’t want to seem alarmist, but it is essential that parents be armed with truth.

Pay attention to whether your son is socializing with friends.  Social contact with age peers is necessary for all teenagers, but the majority of gay and bisexual teens report strong feelings of isolation, which can lead to depression.  Your son should be going out with friends or friends should be coming to your house to visit.  If that is not the case, check your son’s in school behavior with a teacher.  Teachers notice the social butterflies and the loners.

Especially if your son does not appear to have much of a social life, but even if he does, encourage him to join at least one extra-curricular activity of his choice.  What the activity is does not matter.  Anything that causes him to interact with others his age working toward a common goal is valuable.  (That will continue to be true when he goes off to college or the work world as well.)

As a parent, you need to do these things no matter what your own views toward minority sexual orientations.  It is always your job to love your child.  In fact, that is your most important job.  We must demonstrate our love through our actions as well as our words.

Tags: bisexual, come out, coming out, gay, gay son, high school, parenting

This entry was posted on Monday, April 26th, 2010 at 11:01 am and is filed under pregnancy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.